Don't tell me what to do!

Maybe i'm weird but i don't think i'll ever get used to this whole married, what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine crap. Seriously, we bought the bed set for Sean which is said i'd put $1000 toward--the same 1K that i'd been paying toward his shit for the last 5 months because i'm sick of being told we can't do this, that or the other thing because of this debt. Fine, plus i promised $$ for the BBQ, so today i get hit up for a cheque for $1500 and get told, "Don't you feel good you don't owe any more money." Excuse me?!?!?!?! I never owed any damn cash to begin with. Oh and then i even get questioned on what i'm going to do with the rest and get told that i don't have to put it in the kid account, i can keep it if I want. Geez, thank you! But you go out and buy Rockband ($169), Wiiiii ($350), Wiii games ($120) in the span of 2 weeks but you are the one to tell me how i should spend. FuCkYoU! This from the same guy that says well of course you can save cuz u never spend anything, No Shit Sherlock, because maybe we have different priorities than buying crap! And for the record, I buy all the kids clothes, shoes, etc and for myself and somehow i can still save, hmmmm, but i can decide how to spend my money!

There now i feel better!!

Decisions, Decisions...

I'll be the first to admit, I want too much, I expect too much and I always feel we could be better off or doing more. So ever since we moved from our tiny apartment, to our little house, I've been dreaming of the next one--the bigger house with 4 bedrooms and separate living room to buy expensive furniture and knick knacks that no one will ever sit on or enjoy...just me. Mike thinks i'm crazy and that's a total waste of space.

So things seem to be progressing with Mike's job and his earning could increase quite a bit...so he somehow implies that i could be a SAHM. Sure, great in theory but would i really want to give up 14 years of seniority, my pick of shifts, and 4 weeks paid vacation to say home until the youngest is in school. Heck no! I'm in the...well we can put the girls in afterschool care, they boys at a sitter for 1-2 hours an we will still be making a shitload more so we can save for retirement, kids' education and put extra on the house. (Its great being debt free!) I mean mike is actually considering moving and now i'm the one saying lets stay put. How screwed up is that!

All the panic about the economy and rising food/fuel costs is really going to help screw people over. Some are actually trying to stockpile a year's worth of food. Geez, no wonder they've driven up the cost of floor and grain! Call me optomistic or whatever you call someone that's looking to capitalize on someone else's misforture but i'm betting housing prices will go down in the higher end homes. I think low interest costs help alot of people to buy the big houses but the rising price of everything will make it difficult for many to afford their homes and food. I'm betting in the next few years the cost of the big houses will go down. Of course, I'm no financial expert just guessing but we'll see. All i know is that we are very comfortable where we are and until children, adults and animals start triping over each other. We can stay put....

Losing my mind...Insane ramble coming up!

I'm surprised that its been 9 days since i've blogged, Gawd how time just flies! We've just been busy little domestic beavers preparing the den for the newest colony member! Actually its just been gorgeous outside and we've been taking advantage.

My dear hubby got the cleaning bug so he cleaned out the garage and pulled out all the summer toys. He went out and got us a new fancy BBQ so he has not excuse not to cook me dinner now, LOL!! I started cleaning out the basement and managed to chuck another full bag of little girl clothing. It makes me sad that this is it, slowly all the baby stuff will be gone.

I had a crazy dream on Sunday night. I dreamt that i got up in the middle of the night to go to the washroom and out fell this beautiful--yet tiny baby girl. I was cool as a cucumber as I scooped her out of the toilet and cleaned her up and then went to wake up my mom to show her, her newest grandchild. Everyone was like HOLY SHIT!! I'm debating whether we really need to go to a hospital or if a doctor's office would suffice. So we put little miss premmie--who's now all dressed up in pink and looking around totally alert like an old soul--into her new carseat and we (an a bunch of strangers i've never seen before) go to the doctors office where we wait. Then I woke up to pee. I swear I work up Mike and said OMG, the ultrasound was wrong, its a GIRL!! He takes it completely another way and realizes he must get snipped cuz i'm now dreaming of our 5th child!! Funny thing is, it wouldn't surprise me. Oddly enough, he keeps asking me if we're really done. He forgot to get a referal at his last dr. appt. I'm starting to wonder if maybe its fear or a small desire for one more.

I don't think I could be prego again. I'm so sore and uncomfortable right now. I don't know how i'll live thru the next 15 weeks. This kid is gonna be one of those circus freaks that can twist his body into strange ways because he can manage to kick me in 6 different directions all at the same time....

I'm sick of the dog. I love the little bitch but at the same time, she fucking stinks, my house stinks, my carpet is completely ruining and all I smell today is dog piss!

I hate my fucking neighbors. Geez, every spring/summer/fall I hit the mls listing with vengence. I'm so sick of "SeanieeeeBoy!!" everytime my front door opens. I'm sick of the little brat next door that comes barrelling into our yard as soon as the backdoor opens. Now the little runt opens the door and i have to chase the stupid dog across 2 backyards so she doesn't dig up someones garden or leave a pile of shit for them to step on.

I've been browsing ebay passionately. Mostly boredom, but also creative research. Oh and i found my stocking! Too bad its taking its sweet ass time getting here! Work is deadsville and i need something besides making myself crosseyed with the interet to keep me occupied. So I was researching Gymboree. WTF is that right? I thought the same thing til I found that this is a big time brand of children's clothing that snotty people feel their little brats must have...its the Tommy Hilfiger, Nike, Lexus for kids. Okay maybe not that great but it does have some pretty good resale value, and they are supposed to be great quality. So watch out cuz i might become a Gymbo snob too! But i'm not allowed to shop until "our" credit card is paid off. Funny, the cc has his purchases at 5K and mine as 0, yes big fat zero but somehow its my shit. Fine Sean's bed was my doing but still. Guess what else, "we" are the proud owners of a Wiiiiiiii. We've played it about twice, great way to piss thru $400 not to mention the Rockband game that is taking up about 3 squared feet of basement floor space that has only been played once. But i can't shop!

I'm just cranky. My back is killing me. I spent wayyy to much time on the computer today.
I'm 3 pages away from finishing the entire 2005 scrapbook. Thank God. I just need about a million dollars worth of ink and photo paper....

Signing off for now

Its All in a Name

I've been on BBC for at least 5 -6 years now. I've seen many women have their 4th, 5th, 9th, 15th pregnancy...okay many don't go as far as 15 but still, they don't seem to have any trouble naming them. We on the other hand are only on #4 and have no clue what to name him. Its a good thing that we did find out the sex of the baby before hand because we'd only have double the frustration (and arguments) agreeing on a name.

So to to narrow things down, we are considering:

Dylan James (or Joel)
Cameron James (or Joel)
Colin ?
Eric ?

I still want it to be Dylan!!

Idle Hands

Having oodles of inspiration and motivation does absolutely nothing for me when I'm stuck at my damn job for 9 hours staring at a damn computer screen.

I've finished all my current sewing projects and can't seem to find the perfect pattern for the new baby's stocking. Trust me, I've scoured ebay, michaels etc but i'm picky and need something that i actually want to look at for the next 4 months.

Scrapbooking is my current obsession but it's wayyyy too much effort to load pics onto the laptop, plus other digi kits that i've gotten online, do them at work, bring them home to print, then get pissed to find out that i want is not in the laptop and i have no ability to get it til i finish work. See my dilemma?!?!?! And there's only a few things on the internet message boards that are new and interesting on a Sunday. What a dilemma. Maybe I'll search some more sites for free scrapping downloads......

OMG he slept!!!

I did a little science experiment with Sean yesterday. He keeps saying he's scared of Tigger so I put on a Winnie-the -Pooh movie to see if he freaks out seeing Tigger. He was laughing and bouncing around the living room just like Tigger so clear he's not as scared as he claims.

After baths at 6:30pm we all went to play in ds room. He goes in no problem. He sees the "pop up Pirates" game in the closet and he wants to play with it. Dh says okay you can play with it but you have to lie down in your bed. He scoots into his bed under his covers and takes the game. He's fine, we say goodnight (leaving lights on) and leave SUdDeNlY the kid starts freaking that he's scared. I think he's just manipulating things at this point. We close the door and leave. He screams and screams and kicks the door. We go in there again and take out the lightbulb, leaving the nightlight.

Finally he went to sleep after a 2.5hour battle.He was still sleeping when i left for work at 5:30am. I had 7 hours of straight sleep! God, I feel human again. I thinks

Wish I had a REAL day off!

So i'm back after 2 days off of work. You'd think it would be restful. Not a chance.

I finally had my first doctor's appointment and shockingly this baby is growing right on track. Maybe my sister's right and it will be a chuncky baby! This appointment, smack dab in the middle of the afternoon just threw my whole day off track. I pulled Adrienne out of school so i could get to my mother's earlier and take a nap and then fought traffic to get back in the afternoon. Thank God i don't go for another month.

Speaking of sleep, I should borrow Fred Flintstone's toothpicks so i can keep my eyes open. We just finished 6 nights of Sean's sleepless hell. Lets see, thursday night we left him on the couch, truthfully we didn't care if he watched tv as long as he left us alone. Well he did find the remote and turned on Dexter on demand. I woke up at 5:16am to the sound of the creepy Dexter music and ran down to prevent the little psycho in training from watching the serial killer in action. Couldn't sleep after that...dozed off again after 6:30. Last night Mr. Vampire woke up at 12:10am and mike tossed him in bed with me while he and the dog slept on the couch. Sean walked me out at 5:30am when I went to work. Not sure how much more we can take.

We did go out and buy Sean a new bedroom set last night. 5 pieces of furniture for only $799. Totally sweet. However, our enthusiam was short lived went the little shit went on a 30 minute screaming fit in the furniture store b/c we wouldn't let him climb on the bunkbed unlike the parents of those 2 other brats that let their kids jump and run around like lunatics. Despite driving 40 minutes out of our way and planning to hit more stores on the way, at least we got the bed done and now we will have a place to sleep when Sean is bed hopping.

Once a Month Cooking

It's amazing how when you are young you adamently swear that you will be nothing like your parents, in fact you will be the complete opposite. And then, the impossible happens....you get married, have kids (well we did that in reverse!) and you wake up one morning and realize you ARE your mother.

I'll freely admit growing up, I hated my parents' homebody/isolated lifestyles. Guess what, i really don't want to leave my house. Seriously, its not that i don't like people or social situations. I'm just tired. Way too tired after going to work all week, shopping, back and forth to school and with the dog, i like to be at home, and veg out in front of the tv. After 3 days of me eating cafeteria meals and the kids eating daddy's out of a box specials ie. hamburger helper, kraft dinner, hot dogs or pizza, i need to cook big homemade meals on my days off. Which again brings me to my mother.

I used to look at her gardening with scorn...Just get it at the freaking grocery store like a normal person. Or her canning and preserving....Why not just buy it at the freaking grocery store like a normal person? So what am I thinking?!?!?! I want a bigger house so I can start a garden. I want Mike to put shelving in the basement so I can stockpile, store and preserve. I want a freezer so i can do some batch cooking. So doing some googling at work I come up with this site: http://www.once-a-month-cookingworld.com/index.php and it has some pretty good sounding recipes--like there's alot that doesn't sound good at 5 months preggo!

So as I was growing up into the "progessive woman" I saw on tv, I ended up being June Cleaver aka. Mom and a "domestic goddess," LOL!!

Chaos Prevails

It's certainly been an interesting couple of days. Sunday was warm so we took the kids out for the first bike ride of the year. Elmo finally learned how to ride a 2 wheeler!!! I never thought i'd see the day, we tried and tried last year but she just wouldn't/couldn't do it and Sunday determination kicked it and it only took like 20 minutes!

A.G. was totally jealous of all the attention E was getting so suddenly played the helpless kid that desparately needed assistance. Snuffy was terrified of his tricycle but later screamed his head off that he wanted to ride A's bike (and helmet!).

The sleep situation is getting progressively worse. S has been waking between 4-5am and just kicking the door down, screaming at the top of his lungs to get out and that he's scared. Holy crap was i ever pissed off especially since i went to bed at 12:30am. So demon gets into bed with us, I doze off, he kicks me, I wake up and figure fuck it, I'll go to the couch, he follows me down and decided to watch tv (6:10am), i go back up, step in dog piss along the way, demon wake up girls about 20 minutes later, I doze in and out until 8:30. Feel like death. My afternoon nap goes pretty much the same way. I wake up to school library books being coloured and a new container of peanut-butter 3/4 empty with a butter knife in it on the living room floor, dog hair all around the lid and pb on my new hair brush. It is now 10:16pm and i'm ready to rip every moron that calls here a new one...i'm not so happily at work.....15 weeks til i'm on maternity leave, thank god!!

Homeschooling

As insane as this may sound, i've been researching homeschool. Not full fledged homeschooling where i have to deal with all the maniacs 24/7 but partial homeschool so the they can actually learn something. This is mainly for the little ones but even 2nd grade Elmo would definately benefit.

What a difference a generation makes. In my school years, sure there were kids whose parents spoke another language with them at home but in school all the kids spoke english. There were very few in ESL and those picked up the language real quick anyway but now, my kids' teachers tell the immigrant parents to read to their kids in their own language. Seriously, how the hell will that help them learn english when their native language doesn't even use the same alphabet! This same teacher said the Elmo was at the top of her class in reading yet she stumbled on simple 3 and 4 letter words. Mind you her reading has greatly improved mainly due to her love of read and writing but still, they don't even have their own text books and reading books in school. Its all just photocopied pages out of a book or the internet.

A couple days ago there was an article in the Toronto Star that said the Toronto School Board was trying to create a uniform homework policy because kids are waaaayyyyy overburdened by homework. Where the heck are these schools, cuz i'm moving there. Elmo gets one page, front and back per week.. Maybe 10 minutes per week with 20 minutes of solo reading each day.

A.G. is almost 3/4 of the way thru junior kindergarten and has just started writing her name on her own. For some unknown reason she tries to read from right to left (the time). She is interested in books so that helps.

Snuffy is also "reading" it starts with "once upon a time" mumble, mumble, mumble "the end." But he does have more patience to sit still so i'm going to do the pre- curriculum on http://letteroftheweek.com/. It involves learning letter sounds, shapes, animal themes each week and mainly new songs/rhymes, most of which is on the website and then we can get a couple books from the library to complete the theme each week. I think it will be fun without being too overwhelming, its all about 1 hour per day.

For Elmo, since she loves to read so much I was looking into the American Girl series. Some homeschooling moms on BBC highly recommend them b/c the are written from the perspective of a 9ish year old and are set during a time period of American history. This can help build different discussions and more research about the events featured. I'd also like E to learn how to type and get more exposure to computing. It amazes me how much is out there in terms of homeschooling topics that never get addressed in the public school system simply because of a lack of resources and the sheer number of kids.

I love reading Janis' Unschooling Blog. Unschooling is mainly child/interest led learning that doesn't follow a set curriculum or (for the most part) use conventional book learning. I personally don't feel that that alot of the stuff kids in ps are made to regurgitate are necessary for real life but i do think much of the book learning is valuable. I digress, back to Janis' blog, many of her learning activities are family outings and hands on doing. Over the easter holidays I had the kids decorate a hard boiled egg each (with markers). Did they ever have a blast, all 3 sat around the table for about an hour with one egg, coloring, recoloring, dropping, peeling, eating, saying it was disgusting, throwing out after proudly showing daddy their eggs.

Its things like this that I look forward to. Them being so proud of their accomplishment and their desire to do it rather than having to do it. Another thing we saw on Janis' website are the homemade birdfeeders, I'm going to have the kids make it to hang from the tree infront of our house.

I wish we had more time to go on little family day trips. We took the kids to the Maple Syrup festival at the Kortright Center, the kids really enjoyed the hike and the major sugar rush lolly pops daddy got them. I can't wait until i'm off for the year!

Serious sleep issues

My kids are all serious drama queens. Elmo is suddenly scared of the dark again. A.G. says she's scared of the dark because Elmo is scared of the dark and now Snuffy is hysterical about even going into his room.

So we do the massive shopping spree and we get new decor for the boy's room--Cars theme cuz he's just inlove with Lightening McQueen and nightlights for each kids room. The room looks great we're all in there, kids and dogs are playing. No problem. Snuffy is in awe of the McQueen wall. Time for bed, nightlights go on and hysteria begins. HOly Shit!!! Girls freak out cuz it goes off and refuse to go to sleep until the light is back on. Mind you they had been in bed for like an hour before it went off but they just yap, yap, yap. In their defense, Snuffy was trying break the door down to get out of his cage/room. So he crashed out on the couch and got carried to bed. Next day, he's in bed with me and freaked when the lights turned off. "I Tigger! I 'cared. Tigger, 'cared!"

Great, so now video games are banned. DVD players unhooked. We're stuck with treehouse!

We've reached the light at the end of the tunnel!!

Finally, after years of stressing over it and busting our ass we are DEBT-FREE!! Well we will be when the cheque comes within 2 weeks but still. Its insane to the think that we did the second job and ran ourselves ragged only to get there with one phone call and cheque. But screw it, its done.

Nevertheless, despite all the shit that we did, we spent all Thursday (the day before we found out about our windfall) going from store to store and planning all the stuff we want for the house--furniture, appliances, BBQ, patio set, hardwood flooring! Just let it rain about 8K and i'll be all set, LOL! Never enough! But at least we didn't walk out with an 8K bill, we bought nothing just looked.

We go home and of course, i go ape shit b/c my cleaning schedule has been completely thrown off. Most women would be thrilled their hubbies gave them the excuse to do nothing but no not me, I had to declutter the bathroom cupboard while M gave the kids dinner.....My compulsive cleaning is almost done though, just the living room and basement, woo hoo...

All About A.G. & Snuffy

A.G is Daddy's little princess and my little rabbit as she's been affectionately known since she was a baby. She's one spunky little kid. She's friends with everyone at school and seems so confident in social situations. AG really does have the gift of the gab but when it comes to school work and participating she's very shy and quiet though aware of everything. I love how she tells me everything, with Elmo, you'd think the kid works for the CIA.

But boy can she be bull headed! "Well i'm not going to eat my breakfast, lunch or dinner because you're not letting me do whatever!" She'll be the total night owl eventually but don't poke the hybernating bear in the morning. Once she gets going, no mountain is too high and no obstacle too big.

Snuffy is my almost 3 year old terror. He's also lovingly know as demon shit. Terrible I know but if you see this kid's temper you'll expect his head to start spinning at any moment. He has been diagnosed as speech delayed but has made remarkable strides in the last 6 months. he's so sweet the way he'll worry about me and ask, "Mummy, you okay." It's astonishing how he can be discounted because he's so hard to understand but he's one smart little cookie. His thing is buttons, he can load up and shut down the computer and launches whatever programs he wants. I've had to unplug all the DVD players and VCRs because he loads and unloads the movies and has scratched them in the process. Today he's like, "No, I not going I watch Cars." I don't be thinking so. He's going to be some kind of genius or terrorist!

My First Blog Post!

I've been wanting to start a blog for some time but I'm the queen of procrastination until a fire gets lit under my ass and then i go on a rampage! The funny thing is, this my way of sorting thru a midlife crisis of sorts. A question of who I am, who I want to become and the journey to get there.

I'm the mom of 3 little monsters, Elmo (girl age 7), A.G (girl age 4), Snuffy (boy age 2) and soon to be Baby Bear (due Aug 10, 08). Wifey to Father Chaos who can be overwhelmed but hides it with wit and goofiness. We're also starting the collection of pets with a budgie named Mellow and a Bichon puppy, Noelle. That's the inspiration for my blog title, controlling the chaos while maintaining my sanity or trying to anyway.

As it finally becomes spring after one of the most crappy winters on record, I feel tons of motivations to get things done, to start new things and to change things about myself that I haven't been happy but somehow put off til tomorrow. Sadly, priorities get skewed when facing mountains of laundry, overflowing toy boxes, a filthy house and while having to get to work on time. So I have 4 months left before I go on my last year long vacation. 4 months left to organize and plan so I can help balance what I want to do with what I need to do.

I want to play with the kids, I want to go on little trips with them, I want to partially homeschool them, I want to be the semi crunchy old fashion sort of mama that came from Leave it to Beaver times, I want to be more easy going and yell less often. But I still need to get things done, I need my house in order and cleanliness, home cooked meals and craft time. This will be the journey of seeking balance and establishing calm in the storm of little children. To be able to see where the road takes our little family and to watch the little monsters grow and learn.

All about Elmo

Its amazing how one family can have 10 children and all are unique and totally different in their own way. Elmo is the child that really pushes my buttons, makes me second guess myself and really is a challenge because we are so different--or so similar according to my mother.

Elmo was born prematurely and even as tiny little person in the special care nursery, one nurse dubbed her "the thinker." I hadn't thought of that in years until today when i had a very enlightening conversation with Jen, my co-worker, that I'll get to later. But she looks at things from a very logical perspective. She loves to read and write. She wrote a song last week that really seems like a window in her soul. I'll type it into here tomorrow when i'm at home.

She's so complex for a seven year old. She can be confident, outgoing, mouthy, an attention seeker and at the same time a scared little girl that is anxious, timid and totally unsure of herself. Its so difficult as a parent when you have a bright and logical booksmart child who can be overwhelmed by day-to-day experiences that other children enjoy and don't think twice about.

Today Jen was telling me about all the anxiety she experienced as a child and still feels as an adult. I guess hearing it from Jen really hits home that it is real. Its not just an attempt to be difficult, troublesome or an attention hog. Its so hard to relate when you were the complete opposite as a kid, looking back you were the little asshole that tormented the poor kid that was scared shitless to jump in the pool or ride his bike recklessly down the breakneck speeds.

We were pissed last year when went to Disney world and she was too terrified of getting on anything that moves. Looking back it obviously didn't help matters or change things except taint the trip with bad memories. I mean Disney is something we enjoy, its something all kids enjoy or at least everyone's except ours. Its like a personal failure as a parent that my kid is a scaredy cat. But that goes back to finding new ways to relate to her with things that she enjoys. Seriously though, I don't see myself at the ballet.